One of the most loving and courageous practices we can do in relationship is to listen deeply - from an open heart and full presence.
When we practice deep listening, we allow the opportunity for something new to happen. The mind produces stories of what is already known and projects it onto the current moment. Often, we think we’re listening but what we’re really doing is waiting for an opportunity to share whatever story is in our mind. The familiarity of our own stories produces less anxiety than risking encountering the unknown of someone else’s experience.
The reward of listening deeply isn’t feeling comfort and ease. We may have to hear things we don’t want to hear; we may have to tolerate the discomfort or fear that newness and difference brings. But the reward is love. Love is the experience of being held relationally plus the freedom to be truly ourselves. Connection plus freedom.
The next time you’re listening to someone, can you soften your mind’s impulse to project itself? Can you open your heart to the mystery of the moment with curiosity and presence?
Can you do this with yourself too, listening to your whole being without needing to tell yourself a story about who you are or aren’t? Just allowing yourself to be full of possibility, breathing in and out, new in each moment.